You may have heard of the terrible tragedy in Utah a few
weeks ago a 17-year-old boy is accused of fatally punching a soccer referee.
The boy was charged last Wednesday in juvenile court with committing a
homicide. [1] This happened at a recreational game after the referee called a
foul and issued a yellow card on the accused boy.
A week doesn’t pass by when I speak with parents or have
directly observed myself extremely unsportsmanlike behavior from kids, coaches
and spectators alike right here in Southeastern Oakland County. While the temperature outside is just
starting to warm-up the climate in youth sports is red-hot!
Shouldn’t we be using youth sports as a tool to develop
character qualities such as determination, integrity, and discipline rather than
an overt emphasis on winning and putting up numbers? While the above example is
extreme there is no doubt in my mind we are placing way to much pressure on
kids to perform rather than placing the emphasis where it should be on
long-term and gradual improvement. Not only will this method take the insane
pressure off kids but it also provides the opportunity to learn from their
mistakes rather than being devastated by them.
School sports in America should be built on a strong
educational foundation. For example, the mission statement of the National
Federation of State High School Associations indicates that it “will promote
participation and sportsmanship to develop good citizens through
interscholastic activities which provide equitable opportunities, positive
recognition and learning experiences to students while maximizing the
achievement of educational goals” (NFHS Mission Statement). [2]
Mission statements make good talking points but actions
speak far louder than words in this case. Youth sports at all levels need
leaders that are brave enough to draw a line in the sand by not allowing little
things to chip away at the integrity of the team for the sake of winning a
relatively meaningless game in the big picture of a child’s life.
An excellent example of one such leader just happens to be
the current manager of the St. Louis Cardinals of Major League Baseball. I
thought his insight on this subject was terrific and wanted to share it with
you:
Imagine that you are
in the most stressful situation that you could possibly be in with all of your
family and friends watching. Imagine that you are asked to do something that is
so physically difficult that most people fail three times more often than they
succeed. Then imagine that the people that you respect and admire the most in
the world are screaming at the top of their lungs at you while you are trying
to do this difficult task. Sound Tough? Well... welcome to the world of youth
baseball.
I believe that this
issue has stunned me more than any other issue we have talked about. I guess
that I must have grown up in a cocoon or something, but I played hundreds of
games as a kid, and there were never parents and coaches screaming like they
are now. I guess that it is due to the pressure of trying to get your kid the
scholarship, or the pride of having them accomplish something that you were not
able to. But, whatever the reason, it is ugly...Just ask your kids.
It had been a while
since I was at a youth game, and when I showed up, I couldn't believe what was
going on. There were moms and dads screaming at Johnny Jr. to "get his
elbow up" and to "stop swinging at the high ones." The coach on
third base was telling him that his "elbow was too high" and the
first base coach were telling him the old "keep your eye on the
ball." Poor kid didn't know which end of the bat to grab by the end of it
all. I couldn't help but feel sorry for all of them, because they were all
trying to do their best, but failing miserably.
As I talk to everyone
in the game from current players, to Hall of Famers from our past, I always ask
them, "How did your parents act at your games?" It is overwhelming
and near unanimous that they never heard a word from them. A couple, myself
included, would hear a distinct whistle, voice, or clap that they recognized
after they did something well. But there was never any screaming or yelling, or
instructing coming from their parents during the game. Coincidence that all the
people I talked to had the same kind of parents? I don't think so.
My point? Let's get
back to the fact that less than 1% of the kids that play youth sports go on to
play that sport in high school, let alone, collegiately or professionally.
Let's talk about the incredibly fortunate ones who do make it all the way to
the highest level. They will tell you that the best thing their parents did for
them was to be a silent source of encouragement during the game, and an ice
cream buyer after. For the 99% who are just playing for fun, please let them
have fun. If you think that yelling (even encouraging words) and mechanical
instructions are helping your child, the odds are that you are making it more
difficult, and more stressful for them. They have the rest of their lives to
learn about pressure and stress. Let them have fun. You will be amazed how much
more enjoyable the game will be for you, when you take the pressure off
yourself to be worlds best hitting instructor, and to just be a spectator, and
fan of your child doing something that they love.
Mike Matheny
I have a philosophical dilemma that I have struggled to
reconcile for many years when it comes to who the best coaches in this country
are. On the one hand I think coaches like Matheny are wasting a great deal of
their skill on professionals who have already mastered their craft. Conversely
I know of untold numbers of coaches whom toil in relative obscurity and are
making a tremendous impact on the lives of young people and that influence
extends well beyond the playing field. The more I think about this I believe
the most well known coaches aren’t necessarily the best. In fact the men and
women doing the best coaching you likely have never heard of and they probably
like it that way.
Phil Loomis
Youth Athletic Development Specialist
Final Thought
“We all must take personal responsibility for our own
behavior. Part of the fun of sports is the emotional thrills it brings, but we
must not let our emotions get the best of us and act inappropriately. Moreover,
we should not support the products endorsed by professional athletes or teams
that display inappropriate behavior on a regular basis.”
Daniel Gould, Ph.D.
Director, Institute for the Study of Youth Sports
Michigan State University [3]
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